Hi there! My name is Kelly. I'm a mother of 4 and a grandmother of 13 now! I've lived all over the country and even in Hawaii. Right now, I'm currently in Southeast Missouri. Throughout my adult life, I've wanted to find a forum of some sort that encourages other Christian women. I've found wonderful craft blogs, weight loss sites, motherhood sites, book clubs, etc. So I am going to try my hand at a blog that contains a little bit of everything. Grab a cup of coffee and let's chat!!

Contact me by email at coffeecupchristianity@gmail.com or at urlinia@yahoo.com

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Melancholy & Humdrum

You ever have those days where time feels like the enemy and you just wish you weren't human?  I'm having one of those days...weeks...months?

In this "politically correct" world we live in, sometimes I get tired of always searching for the right thing to say.  (Not hateful, spiteful, condescending, or racist or anything of that matter).  But dealing with someone who has grated on your nerves and done everything in their power to continue using you as lawn fertilizer just gets frustrating.  There are so many things you shouldn't say, want to say, and things that even just need to be said.  But being the good, little "poli-correct" girl, that I try to be, I say the placating things that just keeps things calm.

Does this mean that I'm a nice person? Does it mean that I'm a "peacemaker"? Or does this just mean that I'm a hypocrite for not saying the things that I truly want to say, come what may...regardless the feelings involved?

My husband of 17 years is seeing someone else.  Although we've been separated for a couple of years, we still saw each other on a regular basis, ie; going to dinners, holiday things, birthday things, just hanging out, and even going to church together.  We were going through a "getting to know you again" period, that I had hoped would yield better results than finding out from my 4-yr old grandson that "pawpaw" sleeps on the couch with "heather".  For several weeks apparently...all the while, talking me up about working on our relationship, how much he loves me, and how much he desperately wants to reconnect and get back to a healthy relationship.

Granted, we've been separated for quite a while.  So was this my fault?   I refused to let him back into the household until we got things totally squared away...which I guess was optimistic on my part.  But do you go from professing your "love" for someone to that same evening "shacking up" with another woman?  I truly don't know how to feel about this.

Part of me wants to just scream, throw a tantrum, get evil, and look for paybacks.  Another part of me just wants to let bygones be bygones and carry on.  (Divorced, obviously).  And yet, there is another part that feels an absolute sense of relief, as if a giant weight has been lifted from my shoulders.  Do I cry for all those lost years?  Do I cry for the lost "future" we could have had together? Should I be relieved to not have to continue being politically correct all the time, trying to be the "better" person?  Or should I just jump for joy, hoot and hollar, and go about my merry way?  I'm totally at a loss right now?

I know this is a bit  of a personal post, but I would really appreciate some advice or some girl rally time.  Any input would be welcome!  Thanks for reading, Kelly.

1 comment:

Nani said...

You could send her a sympathy card...or a thank you note. Hmmm...

Maybe send HIM the thank you card?

You could always give your best friend a call tomorrow after 10 when her husband is at work and you could brainstorm. :)

{{hugs}} Love you!